why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
