**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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