I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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