Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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