i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
