doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
