Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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