his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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