you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
