im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
