went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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