apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
