One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
