Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
