apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am naked and annoyed.
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