I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
