Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize