You're completely useless in the revolution.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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