Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
