There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
