before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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