Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
