my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
