in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
