I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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