I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
