my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm always down for nudity.
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