i can't believe i had my finger in that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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