do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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