WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize