I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
MIDGETS
????
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
