college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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