did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
