weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
