90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
