So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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