so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
