Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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