How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
