then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
