I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
