My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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