We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
