I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
