bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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