I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
