Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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