It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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