you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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