We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
