No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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