I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
do nipples grow back?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You left your phone here
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