I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
