Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
