dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
