Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
