Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
