just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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