remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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