I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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