oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
