Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
