I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
