Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
