laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize