Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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