I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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