I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
