What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
