thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
