Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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