I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
