how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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